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Solar System Shock

by Alfredd Mann

"Thank you," said Taft, as the mysterious stranger left his room. "I must contact Suralio," he said to himself, while pondering the events of the last two hours.

It all started after dinner, when Taft was relaxing in his room. There was a knock at the door, and Taft was greeted with, "The Honorably Evil Ingstram Von Burlich requires your audience. I am Johansen, his first Assistant. You will meet with him exactly two weeks from today, on the fourth moon of Jupiter in this solar system."

"What's the meaning of this?" Taft said, panic stricken.

"There is a new threat for the 'brothers Iffley' to contend with. My Lord Van Burlich has determined that this solar system requires his presence."

"But, but, but...," Taft.

"What is it your dimenseness?" said Johansen.

"How will I get to the fourth moon of Jupiter, even if I leave this minute, in two weeks?"

"My Lord will send for you. He has the fastest ship in the galaxy, also known as The Fashigal."

"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Taft. He was beginning to wonder if this were a joke. He reached for his communicator to call for some security help, when Johansen took out a DuoDeath MegaWhammy pistol and zorched it. Almost with robotic effectiveness.

"There will be no need for outside help." Johansen stated.

"That lousy son of a so and so, you take me to this Von Burlich character! I demand compensation for my communicator, and the big black spot on the wall! Take me NOW! I don't want to wait two weeks."

On the bridge of the Fashigal, Ingstram was enjoying his monthly issue of Evil and Mean Things To Do, when he received a message from Johansen.

"The earthling wishes to see you now," said Johansen.

"Fine, I'll be there in a few minutes. Ingstram sat back in his command chair and told the navigator to prepare the MegaStar SuperScreamer Drive for a short trip to Earth. The navigator nodded in readiness.

We must pause here for an explanation of what is about to happen. Ingstram's favorite pastime was to start the MSSSD without telling his crew. Then, surprise! They were all thrown against the nearest wall at a velocity equal to very fast. Now back to our story:

Ingstram chuckled to himself as he nodded to the navigator, who "hit the switch," and they were off. As they pulled into orbit around the Earth, there were massive screams. He loved it. "Prepare to transport Johansen and the earthling to the ship."

"Acknowledged," said the computer.

"So I finally get to meet the famous T.G. Taft, and soon, his Bubba, Suralio Frith Iffley," he said to himself as he headed for the meeting hall.

"What is the meaning of this!" Taft screamed. "I demand compensation for my communicator and big black spot on the wall!"

"You will demand nothing."

Taft whirled around to see a huge man dressed in black, with gold spikes on his knuckles. "And just who are you, the local 'beat me till I die' person?"

"Hardly. I am the Honorably Evil Ingstram Von Burlich, soon to be ruler of the galaxy. I am here to take your solar system under the name of Von Burlich, and to opress yo to no end."

"You wouldn't dare," said Taft cooly, as he reached down to his homing transmitter. He flicked the switch. "Now just to play it cool until help arrives," he thought.

"I don't have time for coolness, Taft. You are here for one purpose, and one purpose only. To be my liason to Earth. You will carry out my orders on planet, and you well enjoy it. Do you understand?'

"Over my dead body."

"Ingstram chuckled and walked out. Taft tried to follow, but the doors were shut immediately and locked. "Come on Bubba, give mea hand up here" he said to himself as he sat down on the floor.

Ingstram returned to the bridge to await Iffley's arrival. He knew that he would come, he had to. Taft was his flesh and blood, even if he didn't like it. "Continue orbit, navigator."

"Aye, aye, sir."

 © 1985, 

K. Blaire, L. Charles, D. Conrad, Enad the Great, A. Mann, J. Pierce, B. C. Randolf, and T. G. Taft

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