PHILIP MORRIS. A name that shocked the world, throwing it into
mass confusion and destruction. Philip Morris and his power, a combination
that left this planet we now know as earth in . . . well. . . . And it all
started out so innocently.
Philip Morris was born in a small town on the edge of somewhere
sometime during something. He was not a well-known kid, and he grew up
inconspicuously, with no one paying any attention to him or looking at him
strangely. Yes--it is true that he had a strange, deep voice--but no one payed
much attention to it, for he was so inconspicuously unknown. He was so
unknown, in fact, that nobody would have ever thought that he would become
known, for something really big would have to happen first. Perhaps
ironically, that something actually happened by m1stake. You see, it seems
that someone someday happened to say to someone else, "Hey! Let's hate
Philip Morris!" And the other person answered back, "Yes, that would
be good!" And, as you know, fads do travel fast, so everyone soon
began to hate Philip Morris. This caused Philip Morris to dislike mankind.
In fact, by the time that he found out about his power, he hated mankind so
much that he used his power for evil. He devised an ingenious plan in which he
would tear into a tantrum of rage and begin to destroy everything in sight.
Now people did not like having everything in his sight
destroyed. They all took up arms and began to shoot at him. But it was of no
use, for his power destroyed them too, leaving them as bloody refuge.
Yes, Philip and his power had a great influence on the planet we
now know of as Earth. What? You can't mean it! You say you don't know what
Philip Morris's power was? Philip Morris was born with the most powerful voice
ever. He could, at will, yell anyone or anything to death or desintegration.
In fact, one time be yelled so loud that he destroyed the earth, everyone on
it (including himself), and the entire solar system. Yes, I know what you are
thinking. "Who, then, is it that is writing this report?" Actually,
nobody. You are imagining all this and it has not happened, is not happening,
and never will happen. Fascinating, isn't it?